Well, I've finally gotten over the tears to write this blog. I have been struggling lately with having to move--not necessarily moving again, but LEAVING again. Leaving my friends behind. My KINDRED SPIRITS. My sisters in Christ. This is so hard.....
The other day when the decision was final that we were moving, it didn't take much for tears to fall. I cried so much that day, and they were those uncontrolable cries, a hurting cry. Well, I finally got out of the house to just get away and get some fresh air. I turned on the radio (mistake), and just drove. I decided on going to the store; we needed a few things, and I thought I would be safe from crying in there. It was raining (if it was really called rain)--we haven't seen any good rain here, and we have been here 6 months. It was a little dreary out, and everyone was happy (because of the "rain"). I wondered what they had to be happy about. I wanted to be happy with them in MY little town, and I wanted to be happy for them, but I couldn't. I could remember pondering over what brand to get of something, and the tears were right there, but I wouldn't let them come out. I swear if someone had fussed at me for not letting them pass or getting agitated at me, I think I would have started....but they didn't, and I was safe...until I got to the van. As the guy finished putting my groceries in the back, I said good-bye and a heartless thank you. I started the van, and the song, "Tears in Heaven" was playing. If you remember reading my blog a couple of post back, I refered to Borger my little "heaven." I know that song isn't anything about moving, but it was the sentence that played AS I turned the van on.
"cause I know I don't belong....here in heaven...."
Well there went the floodwaters again, and it wasn't coming from outside. Now I will always think about my 2 kindred spirits when I hear that song. I may just have to get the CD and have a good cry now and again. I knew I wouldn't (or couldn't) go in but I did drive by my friend's house and cry all the more.
When I came home that afternoon, I tried to tell Robby, and I couldn't. I just kept crying. It took me a while, but I told him, and he held me (again).
I AM looking forward to the move; it just will be bittersweet, and I even thought about not saying good-bye. (No Chery and Teresa, I couldn't do that, and I won't do that). But I will miss you, and I will look forward to that day when we will all together be....in Heaven.